-Buddha

She and her ten-year-old sister, Madison, are headed to the island to spend some quality time with their grandparents for three nights.

They both requested doing this and so Super-mom set it up, and they were both super excited.

Last night, Sagey wasn’t so psyched.

“But Mommy, I’ll miss you.”

I tried to decipher if this was just the fact that she had had very little sleep last night due to an end-of-the-school-year sleepover at the pink house with Madison and Madison’s friends. She was tired and therefore, sensitive.

As I asked Sagey questions about her feelings on the big Grama Grampa Nantucket trip, I realized that I felt ambivalent myself.

On one hand, I would miss my girls terribly. On the other hand, I know they’d have a blast and it would be a wonderful time for them to share with their grandparents.

And on the other hand (if I had three hands ), I was a bit stuck around the fact that I’d set up all the logistics for their grama/grampa special time trip (and every Super-mom knows that it takes just about as much time to set up lotistics for being away from your kids as the amount of time you are actually away from your kids).

I can always feel when I’m going against the natural flow of the universe and my spirit because it feels like I am stuck. My intention is to notice that “stuck-ness” as soon as possible and just surrender. Surrender to the moment–to the flow of what is happening. Everything should flow beautifully and easily and if it is not, then I take a moment to re-center, align myself, and just tune into what is happening…in this moment–not in my mind around attachment to plans or how something “should be.”

So I felt that energy–girl, you can’t miss it because it doesn’t feel good–and I stopped and tuned in. Tuned into Sagey and what she was saying. Tuned into her energy and what her spirit wanted.

And once I had let go–of attachment and “the plan”–I was able to find joy in the fact that we’d be going to Nantucket with our girls for that time…making it a family vacation.

Maybe next year Sagey will be ready to have “special grama/grampa time” away from her mommy…and maybe not.

I’ll be present in that moment, finding gratitude for what the universe is delivering us.

]]> http://super-mom.com/but-mommy-i%e2%80%99ll-miss-you/feed http://super-mom.com/super-quote-of-the-day-monday-december-1-2008 http://super-mom.com/super-quote-of-the-day-monday-december-1-2008#comments Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:00:13 +0000 Taylor Wells, M.A., M.Ed., R.Y.T. http://super-mom.com/?p=577 “Life is a series of natural and sponatneous changes. Don’t resist them–that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

-Lao-Tzu

I would go out for walks and see babies sitting peacefully in their strollers, their mom’s sipping tea while carrying on a conversation. Meanwhile, I’m speed walking by them not stopping even to tie my shoe or Ella would start screeching again (did a bugaboo stroller really make babies happier and thus not cry?) anyway, I was jealous.  I couldn’t understand why my baby was always the one screaming in supermarkets, out at parks, in the car, or anywhere I went. Her screaming made me get to the point in which I hesitated to take her out of the house. I’m ashamed of myself now, and it brings me to tears to think about it, but I thought I was embarrassed of her. Now looking back I know it wasn’t Ella I was embarrassed of. It was me and what ‘people’ thought. For some reason, I cared, that when we went out and she cried, people would wonder what type of mother I was, I couldn’t even soothe my own child into not crying anymore. So, I pretty much kept to immediate family and myself with her. One friend told me she was afraid to come to my house; she couldn’t take the screams. They called her “the screaming demon”. They eventually found out after the births of their first children what I had already learned. Having a baby is not always like a Johnson & Johnson commercial. You know I had been to Babies r Us, Babystyle, Baby Gap, and a monsoon of online baby stores. I never saw a picture of a depressed, over weight, bags under eyes miserable new mother next to a wailing unappeasable infant. I feel bad if that’s harsh, but that was me.                   One time I truly almost ‘lost it’. When Ella was three months old, she had been screaming for hours, no breaks, and just screams. I hadn’t showered in days, my breast was sore, my clothes didn’t fit, and I was so tired. I remember just feeling depressed. My husband was working so I was alone with her all day. Yes, I changed her diaper. No, she’s not hungry.   I just fed and burped her. Yes, I’m rocking her in her car seat where she’s usually most content. No, she’s already napped. It really used to bother me when people didn’t think I went through the obvious steps. Anyhow I called my husband at work and demanded him home. He told me he’d be home earlier than usual, but he was sorry he couldn’t come right away. I slammed the phone down, put her car seat in the crib (she was in it, that’s how she liked to sleep), and I ran out the door. I swear the thought of throwing her and me both out the window came to mind. All the while, she didn’t stop her wails for a mille-second. I was sitting on my front porch balling with tears, when my older neighbor came hustling out of her house. “ Leesha, can’t you stop that baby for a minute?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Then she went on. “All she ever does is cry… No peace and quiet from that house”. I truly couldn’t handle it. I was more surprised that given the stream of tears already coming down my face, why couldn’t she see I was already in a lot of pain. Anyhow, I yelled back to mind her business and continued on with my crying. I remember thinking “this can’t be it, what did I do so horrible in my life that deserves this?” Then just like that, no, Ella didn’t stop crying, but my parents showed up.

Gradually, after longer than her doctor said it would, her crying stopped, and soon those wails turned into words. As hard as those months where for me, in a very small way, I am thankful for that experience. Ella having colic really gave me patience and love I never thought I would have. It gave me the ability to love every moment of every tantrum knowing it would be over soon. It gave me the ability to handle my second child with ease. It gave me the ability to watch six kids under the age of four, without raising my voice or a rise in my blood pressure. It gave me openness with other mom’s to say it’s ok to have breakdowns knowing it could turn into a breakthrough. It gave me the ability to keep my kids schedules even though I’m pregnant with third child and I’m always tired. It also gave me the ability to know my limits and ask for help when I need it. Finally, it gave me the ability to be completely oblivious when someone else’s infant is screaming in a supermarket. I just walk by and give a warming smile to let that parent know that it’s o.k.

-Samahria Lyte Kaufman

-Robert Frost

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

-Buddha